FD5 To Enter A Door, You Must Exit A Door.

Cara Kamehiro
May 6, 2011
FD5

To Enter A Door, You Must Exit A Door

Through a window, there are mountains in the distance and are surrounded by dark grey clouds. All around the window there is a yellow glow. Is it possible that this bright light glow surrounding the window is a huge light bulb that can hidden to many if they choose not to see it and look right through it? [Thesis] I am a victim of being blinded by this glow for nineteen years, but I am glad to say I retrieved my vision. [Thesis]

My older sister has a birth mark on her back in the shape of kissing lips. My mother told her that before she was brought into this world the angels kissed her good-bye and sent her to my mom. I was always jealous of that story so my mom would tell me that, “I was her sweet heart, angel who God sent and always heard whenever I prayed to him.” Of course I believed her because she was my mother but there was something else that drew me to the conclusion that I was an angel sent from God to help my mother. Whenever my mom needed to find parking, was stressed, or if she was ill I would always find myself sitting in my car seat or my bed with my hands together and my eyes closed. I never understood what I would say or even know what I was feeling, but all I remember was hearing this instinct inside my heart telling me what to say and do. Some would call this a gut feeling but I knew it was something else. For every time my eyes closed and my hands touched, I heard this little voice and every time it would tell me to say or do something it was right.

This little voice would tell me what to do and how to do things to please my mom and make her life just a little easier. I remember when I was 5 years old I could barely see the sink faucet if I tippy toed. That day my mom was feeling under the weather and I heard something tell me to wash the dishes. I never remembered any one telling me how to wash the dishes, or to grab a stool so I could reach the dishes at the bottom of the sink. I remember standing at the sink with a plate in my left hand and the soapy sponge in the other and my mother walking downstairs starring at me in shock. She said,"What are you doing? How did you know how to wash the dishes? Why are you washing the dishes?" And so fourth, it was almost like an out of body experience when I had these little voices guiding me what to do. I loved this feeling of accomplishment and the smile I seen on my moms face every time I did little things like this for her.

My family was the best one I could ever imagine, until the day my father left our family. My mom, sister, and I were very sad, as my mom told us the news in our brown Honda Accord car after a basketball heading home. I remembered that night, it was dark and rainy, almost as if a higher being knew that bad news was approaching in my life. So, I prayed to this higher being and being so impatient I never could find what blessing I was received as my father stepped out the front door. Than a couple years after my brother followed his footsteps right out the very same door, twice. I was such a confused little girl. I felt that this higher being who always helped me, guided me and was there for me, betrayed me and punished me for something that I never did. That was the day I lost faith in prayer. That was the last day I prayed as a little girl.

On the day of April 22, 2010, I started this amazing day by forgetting my phone in the car. The one day I needed it the most. I remember feeling lost with no way to call for a ride home or help to dodge the rain. I decided to walk home after class which was a normal thing for me to do. I walked out of the library and I saw bright sun shine. Than to my surprise it was raining, hard. Thought to myself, “Great, could my day get any better?” To kill some time hoping the rain would stop, I walked to the cafeteria to grab something to drink for my journey home. I paced down the white sidewalk next to "the great lawn" and I headed down towards the cafeteria, I noticed the clouds started to hold back the drops like someone catching their breath right before the tears flow down their face. One foot in the cafeteria, I turned to peek behind me and it poured cats and dogs for a good five minutes. I grabbed my drink and the next thing I noticed was the strangest thing, as I set foot out the door deciding to just suck it up and take the rain head on; the sun started to shine and the drops got lighter. Yes, maybe this walk will not be so bad after all.

As I left the campus, it meant beginning the journey of the two-mile walk home. I walked with my head bowed down to protect my eyes from the piercing raindrops, like how people in Japan say hello to each other. I remembered I cleared my mind and closed my eyes and I heard something tell me to look up. I heard the piercing raindrops fall to the ground and not pinching my skin anymore. There was like a force field surrounding me and protecting me from any harm around me. I saw what seemed to be a yellow aura bubble around me as the dark clouds and rain still pouring down. Dark clouds and rain drops were everywhere except for a quarter mile radius around me. I continued to float along the sidewalk that was soaking wet with the fallen raindrops that were shinning like the morning sunrise reflecting off the ocean.

I live in a valley, between two mountains on an island. When it rains there are stronger raindrops the closer I get to my house. I approach a bridge that shelters me for the time I am there. It was a good thing I got there in time as the rain poured down like a sheet of glass being shattered on cement, that would break through my bubble. Worrying out of my mind to step out of the shelter I had by the bridge I said, “Oh well, it is just rain and I am almost home, once there I can dry off quickly.” I tried to walk as fast as my slippery slippers could take me. I gradually picked up the pace and realized again that the yellow bubble still surrounded me. I decided I could walk a little slower so that I would not slip from my slippers. Finally, I arrived at my warm home. I felt completely weird as I stepped in my house and another glass shattered to the ground.

At home I realized when I left campus, I was saying in my head over and over, "Please don't rain on me." I heard a real faint voice inside telling me to go with my cousin to  “bring a friend to church day” that coming Sunday. I always believed in a higher spiritual power, but never did I believe I would worship God. Even though I was always a believer in prayer, I always prayed like that little girl with no idea how to pray, who to pray to, but always with the hope she had. I have not prayed for anything drastic like answers for my father leaving or why I could not make my mother feel happy again, in a while.

Sunday rolled around the corner in a blink of an eye. That day the pastor talked about how Jesus had the heart to love everyone, even if they hated him. How Jesus found a strength in himself that allowed him to give his life happily by loving and forgiving everyone in his life. The pastor also talked about how we all can find this strength that Jesus had. He referred this strength to a cartoon of Popeye the sailor man. How Popeye found his strength from a can of spinach and how we can do extraordinary things if we found our “can of spinach.” The pastor also talked about how Jesus prayed for the little things, and that the little things make up the bigger picture in life. As soon as the pastor said, “prayer,” it clicked in my mind like a light bulb being switched on that ever since I was a little girl God has been with me.

I did not see the prayer of my fathers' absence being answered right than and there when I was a little girl because it was the little things that God blessed me with to make up for the bigger picture of my father’s absence in my life. The little things were the things that I have not been appreciating everyday. The family I have that loves me and cares for me and who will protect me from things in life like betrayal and pain. My family is like the bridge that sheltered me from the rainy day. The bridge that broke my yellow aura only to shelter me when the rain was too strong for a bubble to handle. Not having a father all these years, I could not see how God could take him away from me and my family and how hurt we were. Now I see how he has been my father all along guiding me and advising me, as a real good father should do making me stronger and giving me nothing but the best in my life. My Father up above has been my yellow bubble of sunshine, the light bulb always on that protects me and makes me stronger as a person, working with the bridge to shelter me as best they can. He is the yellow glow around that window that I would look through and not noticing the little things that made up that big picture. My birth father leaving me, God blessed me with him being my father figure who guided me to a better life. I can see clearly now the rain is gone, the light hidden by the window I looked through is now a window filled with the yellow light shinning on my journey through all the darkness ahead.